Posts : 56 Join date : 2011-02-04 Age : 31 Location : Houston, TX
Subject: Spam Less Than 3 (<3) Mon Feb 07, 2011 12:37 am
First topic message reminder :
I think we should spam this topic until it explodes. It is possible Ben Has seen it.
Author
Message
eternalcraze
Posts : 143 Join date : 2011-02-14 Age : 32 Location : California
Subject: Re: Spam Less Than 3 (<3) Sun Feb 20, 2011 4:38 pm
doctor octagonapus blaaaaaaah
MrKoreanGuy
Posts : 194 Join date : 2011-02-01
Subject: Re: Spam Less Than 3 (<3) Mon Feb 21, 2011 12:21 am
There will be a game today. I know there will. The games are always at random. Sometimes days go by, and there is none. Sometimes there is more than one in a single day. For the past few weeks, there has been one pretty much every day, without fail. Of course, now that I�m starting to get used to it, she�s probably going to find a way to change it up. She always does that.
Scout�s awake now. He�s tugging at my sleeve, and looking up at me. His eyes, God bless his eyes; they still have a tiny, faint spark in them. It�s probably Demoman�s fault, telling the poor kid that we�re going to escape one day. I hold him close and I try to smile. �What�s up, boy?� I ask.
He can�t talk of course. Instead, he points up at the ceiling.
�Eventually,� I say. �Probably today. You know how she is.�
He frowns. He gets up, and he walks over to the glass window. He stares up at all the machinery just outside. All of it was once built by human hands. The Announcer knows this and it only fuels her hatred for us tiny, fleshy, imperfect humans. So she created this place to torment us, and she created the Things that act as her hands. There are many things, and each of them is more monstrous than the next. Sometimes I am sure that Pyro is the Things; each and every last one of them. Demoman agrees.
The glass panel opens, and Scout totters back. Sniper turns his head, and rolls it back into place. Heavy and Medic look up from their sodomy and look towards the exit. They are annoyed by this interruption, and Medic removes himself from Heavy, grumbling. I can swear I hear the Announcer laughing at this.
�GOOD MORNING RED TEAM,� she says, as though there�s still a BLU team. �HOW HUNGRY ARE YOU TODAY?�
Nobody answers. The question was purely rhetorical. It�s been three days since we had anything to eat. We�ve gone longer, but that doesn�t make the pangs subside.
�THERE IS A BEAST IN HERE. IF YOU CAN KILL IT, IT�S YOURS. GOOD LUCK!�
�I hate tha� bloody cow,� says Demoman. He means the Announcer, of course. We have not seen the beast yet.
Seven of us leave the room. Spy stays behind. It hurts too much for him to move over great distances. We wander past the electrified computer towers, and, as I always do, I wonder which of them does what. Which one of them controls the respawn, which one of them controls the oxygen, which one of them controls our bodies and the monsters and the shifting environment around us? Sometimes I wonder if all of it is some sort of illusion, a nightmare playing out in my head while my body is in a coma somewhere else. Somehow, I doubt it.
A long time ago, I would have tried to figure out how all of her tricks worked. I�m past that now. Science has proven useless to me here. Here, there is only madness and hatred, fear and loathing. And the rabbit hole can always go down just a little bit further.
On our journey for trying to hunt down our next meal, we have traversed a forest of screaming trees, a desert of salt and bones, a swamp of menstrual blood and human offal, and finally we stop at the soggy, putrid banks a river of vomit. Finally, we see it, a giant, black, shaggy animal, wading in the river. It looks vaguely like a boar, but is has a snout like a wolf and teeth like a shark, and dead, glassy, smoky eyes. Its eyes remind me of Pyro, and I feel sick.
We were given no weapons to fight this thing. Heavy lifts a very large rock over his head, and heaves it at the beast. It hits the creatures head with a sickening, cracking noise, and it bellows, making a sound that nearly deafens us. It charges at us, giant hooves that look like mangled hands pounding on the banks towards us, and we run. Soldier is the only one who doesn�t run, gibbering and gesturing wildly at the beast. For a moment, I think it�s going to eat him, but he won�t allow it. Before it can snap him up in it massive jaws, he jumps upon its face, clinging to its snout and stabbing it in the eyes with Shovel until they resemble black, weeping gobs of jelly. It�s screaming now, and bucking and stomping and blowing ribbons of black snot from its nostrils. Soldier is somehow still hanging on, trying to carve deeper into its skull until he hits brain. The rest of us take advantage of its blindness and throw ourselves upon it, trying to drag it down like so many scrawny wolves pulling down a moose. It smells like burnt hair and the vomit from the river. I grab a clump of its mane and hold on for dear life. I want to puke. I want to puke and cry but I suck it up and hold on like everybody else, until Soldier stabs Shovel in far enough that the beast suffers an aneurysm, and collapses.
Soldier then takes out his Shovel, covered in blood that smells like piss and vinegar, and kisses it on the blade. He uses Shovel to slice the beast�s belly open and blackened, bloated, ropey guts spill out onto the ground. Soldier is the only one to go ahead and dig in. He grabs fistfuls of organs and stuffs them into his mouth greedily, while the rest of us have to choke back whatever bile is left inside us fill our stomachs with the beast�s poisoned flesh.
We dine on filth. We live in filth. As far as the Announcer is concerned, we are filth and we are not worthy of the mercy of death. Every day, I pray for it. I pray for the respawn to malfunction. Then, maybe, I can see my wife and child again. Or, at the very least, be allowed to have sweet, sweet oblivion.
Impressive
Posts : 87 Join date : 2011-02-11 Location : California, USA
Subject: Re: Spam Less Than 3 (<3) Mon Feb 21, 2011 12:58 am
Spam is Spam.
Just because they write it down and call it legit, doesn't make it legit.
We live in a where making comments is not purposeful.
Where only if you know what a legit comment really is.
We live in a world where everything you see...
Is Spam.
eternalcraze
Posts : 143 Join date : 2011-02-14 Age : 32 Location : California
Subject: Re: Spam Less Than 3 (<3) Mon Feb 21, 2011 1:08 am
i seem to have dropped the soap
Imoratachi
Posts : 104 Join date : 2011-02-09 Age : 28 Location : USA, Minnesota
Subject: Re: Spam Less Than 3 (<3) Mon Feb 21, 2011 6:12 pm
My God man, a Team Fortress spoof of I Have No Mouth, And I Must Scream? Holy @$%@$!
Commence my spam:
I wanna be the very best Like no one ever was To catch them is my real test To train them is my cause I will travel across the land Searching far and wide Teach Pokemon to understand The power that's inside Pokemon! Gotta catch 'em all-- It's you and me I know it's my destiny Pokemon! Ooooh, you're my best friend In a world we must defend Pokemon! Gotta catch 'em all-- Our hearts so true Our courage will pull us through You teach me and I'll teach you Pokemon! Gotta catch 'em all! Gotta catch 'em all! Yeeaa. Every challenge along the way With courage I can face I will battle everyday To claim my rightful place Come with me the time is right There's no better team Arm in arm we'll win the fight It's always been our dream Pokemon! Gotta catch 'em all-- It's you and me I know it's my destiny Pokemon! Ooooh, you're my best friend In a world we must defend Pokemon! Gotta catch 'em all-- Our hearts so true Our courage will pull us through You teach me and I'll teach you Pokemon! Gotta catch 'em all!
leonx8 Member
Posts : 604 Join date : 2010-11-29 Age : 29
Subject: Re: Spam Less Than 3 (<3) Mon Feb 21, 2011 8:17 pm
STAR WARS
Episode V
THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK
Script adaptation by
Lawrence Kasdan and Leigh Brackett
from a story by
George Lucas
LUCASFILM LTD.
----------------------
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far, away...
It is a dark time for the Rebellion. Although the Death Star has
been destroyed, Imperial troops have driven the Rebel forces from
their hidden base and pursued them across the galaxy.
Evading the dreaded Imperial Starfleet, a group of freedom fighters
led by Luke Skywalker has established a new secret base on the remote
ice world of Hoth.
The evil lord Darth Vader, obsessed with finding young Skywalker,
has dispatched thousands of remote probes into the far reaches of
space...
EXTERIOR: GALAXY -- PLANET HOTH
A Star Destroyer moves through space, releasing Imperial probe
robots from its underside.
One of these probes zooms toward the planet Hoth and lands
on its ice-covered surface. An explosion marks the point of
impact.
MrKoreanGuy
Posts : 194 Join date : 2011-02-01
Subject: Re: Spam Less Than 3 (<3) Sun Feb 27, 2011 5:16 am
�I AM BORED OF THIS GAME,� The Announcer says. �I WANT TO TRY A NEW ONE.�
We all look up from our meal, and I look at them in horror. Most of their faces reflect mine, except Sniper, who seems largely indifferent, and Soldier, who just looks agitated.
�DON�T LOOK SO UPSET,� she says. �I WANT TO DO SOMETHING NICE FOR YOU.� That was what she had said when she tried to join Heavy and Medic together. Naturally, that phrase cannot mean anything good. �I HAVE BEEN WATCHING YOU FOR 113 YEARS, 3 MONTHS AND 16 DAYS, AND YOU ALL SEEM SO VERY, VERY LONELY.�
Heavy reels Medic in even closer to him than he was before, and grunts. Soldier, too, hugs Shovel tight to him. I am reminded of the sight of Soldier masturbating while holding the shaft of the tool against penis, thrusting and rubbing against it like a dog humping a man�s leg. It was not something he only did once, either. He does it regularly.
�WHAT IF I TOLD YOU I COULD GIVE YOU A WOMAN?�
�That�s just cruel,� Sniper says. It comes out of his mouth with little forethought. He knows this will not end well. The rest of us are stupid enough to get our hope up a little.
�I KNOW HOW YOU ARE. DEEP DOWN, YOU ARE ALL ANIMALS. YOU HAVE NEEDS. ONE OF THOSE NEEDS IS NOT JUST SEX BUT A NEED FOR PROCREATION. YOU WANT TO REPOPULATE EARTH WITH YOUR FILTHY, WRITHING, UGLY SPAWN, SO THAT MAYBE, MAYBE, YOUR SPECIES WILL CONTINUE LONG AFTER YOU FINALLY BORE ME.�
We exchange glances. Is this sincere? Is she just mocking us again? Where would she even get a woman? There were no women on the team when she set of the arsenals of RED and BLU, and laid waste to the surface with so much radiation. We never saw BLU team again after we were pulled down here, with her. We assume that they�re dead, since she refers to us as the last ones left. Had she been keeping a woman from us all along? Was she delighting in us having to use each other for sex, giggling as we demeaned ourselves just so that we could be touched, while she kept a woman from us?
Well, I certainly would not put it past her.
�Ve are not interested,� Heavy says curtly. He squeezes Medic close to him, as though that would protect the doctor from being taken away. �Doktor and I do not need voman.�
Scout glares at Heavy and mouths the words �I do.� The inside of his mouth looks so much larger without a tongue.
�Oh, an� I s�pose ye�ve been hidin� th� lass away from us th� whole time, aye?� Demoman asks. �Somehow, I doubt it.�
�What�re you playin� at?� I ask her. She laughs, and I feel as though my spine frosted over.
�ANOTHER GAME. A COMPETITION. THE WINNER WILL BE ABLE TO PASS ON THEIR GENETIC MATERIAL AND DO WITH THE WOMAN AS THEY WISH.�
I feel sick all over again. The rancid meat in my stomach probably plays a factor in this. I may have been trapped here for more than a century but the thought of possibly raping a lady is still abhorrent to me. Especially if she�s been tortured just like we have. Can I trust these men, my fellow prisoners, to feel the same way?
�An� then yer arse fell off,� Demoman says. �I know a gob full a� shite when I hear it.�
�YOU THINK I�M LYING?�
�Not like ya don�t have a precedent for that sort of thing,� Sniper says. It�s the longest string of words he�s uttered all day.
�COME BACK TO THE MAIN CONTROL ROOM,� she says. �I�LL SHOW YOU HER.�
We�re all incredulous, to say the least. Again, we trek back the way we came, retracing our steps for several hours. We slog through human byproducts and hold our breath, and Heavy carries his precious doctor on his back as though the man were a koala. I feel a jolt of envy looking at them. They will most likely not be a party to this, since they already have each other. I know I am not the only one that wishes they had somebody like that at their side, chivalrously carrying us through a bog of rotting tissue.
eternalcraze
Posts : 143 Join date : 2011-02-14 Age : 32 Location : California
Subject: Re: Spam Less Than 3 (<3) Sun Feb 27, 2011 5:22 am
small post
Zebr4 Member
Posts : 63 Join date : 2010-12-01 Age : 32 Location : Ohio, U.S.A.
Subject: Re: Spam Less Than 3 (<3) Sun Feb 27, 2011 6:40 am
penis
Imoratachi
Posts : 104 Join date : 2011-02-09 Age : 28 Location : USA, Minnesota
Subject: Re: Spam Less Than 3 (<3) Sun Feb 27, 2011 4:34 pm
Posts : 104 Join date : 2011-02-09 Age : 28 Location : USA, Minnesota
Subject: Re: Spam Less Than 3 (<3) Sun Feb 27, 2011 4:35 pm
Zebr4 wrote:
penis
And those hearts are NOT in response to that.
<Jayjay> Inker
Posts : 117 Join date : 2010-12-01 Age : 30 Location : Canadia Land
Subject: Re: Spam Less Than 3 (<3) Sun Feb 27, 2011 4:42 pm
leonx8 Member
Posts : 604 Join date : 2010-11-29 Age : 29
Subject: Re: Spam Less Than 3 (<3) Sun Feb 27, 2011 4:48 pm
Imoratachi wrote:
Zebr4 wrote:
penis
And those hearts are NOT in response to that.
XD
Zebr4 Member
Posts : 63 Join date : 2010-12-01 Age : 32 Location : Ohio, U.S.A.
Subject: Re: Spam Less Than 3 (<3) Sun Feb 27, 2011 5:28 pm
Imoratachi wrote:
And those hearts are NOT in response to that.
Whatever helps you sleep at night.
ohno21212
Posts : 107 Join date : 2011-02-27
Subject: Re: Spam Less Than 3 (<3) Tue Mar 01, 2011 12:01 am
HOLD ME CLOSER TINY SPAAAAAMER
COUNT THE SPAMMERS ON THE SPAMWAY
LAY ME DOWN IN SHEETS OF SPAAAAAM
YOU HAD A BUSY SPAM TODAAAAAY
SquareKiteGaming Member
Posts : 105 Join date : 2010-12-06
Subject: Re: Spam Less Than 3 (<3) Tue Mar 01, 2011 12:30 am
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MrKoreanGuy
Posts : 194 Join date : 2011-02-01
Subject: Re: Spam Less Than 3 (<3) Tue Mar 01, 2011 12:32 am
Finally, we arrive back in the control room, back home again to be dwarfed by towers of circuitry the size of skyscrapers. We look around, and we see no woman.
�Told ya she was lyin�,� says Sniper, totally deadpan. Scout starts to panic. If he could speak, he would be reassuring himself and us desperately that this time, it wasn�t a trick. I try and do that for him, but my heart just isn�t in it. But then she steps into the room and we are horrified.
It�s Pyro. No doubt about it. Only, we knew Pyro was a man. He�s not anymore. His� no, her proportions are so terribly exaggerated that we can barely stand to look at her. Her breasts are so swollen and heavy she�s bent over, carrying them in her arms, wheezing through the filter of the gasmask still covering her head. She�s looking up at us, and though I cannot see her eyes I can tell she is still pleading at us, begging for our mercy. I can�t help it. I rush over to her and hold her, but before I can try to comfort her I feel something flat and broad smack me upside my head, and everything is spinning and my head is throbbing and I fall down on the ground. I look up and see Soldier has claimed her, hand around her tiny waist, brandishing Shovel and snarling at us. Demoman runs towards Soldier, telling him to stop, and now they�re fighting, Soldier on his back and using Shovel to try and push Demoman back, but Demoman is still holding on, still pushing back, and Pyro is trying to run away and hide. The Announcer just laughs.
Spy is coming out of the room now. He�s spilling and falling all over himself and using this to propel himself forward. I cannot help but think that he looks like human silly putty, squashing and stretching around breaking and knitting bones. It seems he was curious as to what all the noise was about. I look at him and I try to form words but I just point and look at everyone else and blurt out �DO SOMETHIN�!�
Heavy, who still has Medic on his back, walks over and lifts the two men up by their collars like puppies, and holds them there. Medic slides off of Heavy�s back, but does not break contact, keeping one hand on Heavy�s shoulder. He looks back and forth between the two of them, scrutinizing them. �Drop zem,� he says, and Heavy obeys.
Soldier says something that sounds very nasty to the doctor. Medic just smirks.
�I cannae take much more a� this,� Demoman says. �Th� bitch has gone too far��
�You alvays say zat,� Medic says.
�An� I always mean it!� Demoman exclaims. �Lookit wot she did tae poor Pyro! He�s a monster!�
�She, now,� Sniper says.
�I donnae care!� Demoman says. �I hate her! I hate her wi� ev�ry fiber a� me bein�! Not a day goes by in this hell tha� I donnae wish I could hate her to death!�
�YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT HATE?� The Announcer asks. �YOU KNOW NOTHING OF HATE. IF HATE WERE THE ELECTRICTY RUNNING THROUGH ME, IF HATE WERE EVERY CIRCUIT, EVERY BYTE OF DATA, EVERY MICROCHIP IN MY SYSTEM, IT WOULD STILL BE ONLY A FRACTION OF THE HATRED I FEEL FOR YOU.�
�Ah, blow it out yer arse!� Demoman says.
And the Announcer blinds him again, liquefying his one good eye. I cannot feel too sorry for him. It will grow back in a few minutes.
Supersnuggy
Posts : 22 Join date : 2011-02-01 Age : 27 Location : Georgia, USA
Subject: Re: Spam Less Than 3 (<3) Tue Mar 15, 2011 12:54 am
Subject: Re: Spam Less Than 3 (<3) Wed Apr 27, 2011 1:12 am
Das Birney
Posts : 15 Join date : 2011-02-27 Age : 30 Location : The 3oh2
Subject: Re: Spam Less Than 3 (<3) Sat May 07, 2011 2:11 am
explode like "THATS WHAT SHE SAID"
<Jayjay> Inker
Posts : 117 Join date : 2010-12-01 Age : 30 Location : Canadia Land
Subject: Re: Spam Less Than 3 (<3) Sat May 07, 2011 12:39 pm
leonx8 Member
Posts : 604 Join date : 2010-11-29 Age : 29
Subject: Re: Spam Less Than 3 (<3) Sat May 07, 2011 1:54 pm
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TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS JOSH!!!!!!! TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS JOSH!!!!!! TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS JOSH!!!!!!! TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS JOSH!!!!!! TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS JOSH!!!!!!! TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS JOSH!!!!!! TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS JOSH!!!!!!! TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS JOSH!!!!!! TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS JOSH!!!!!!! TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS JOSH!!!!!! TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS JOSH!!!!!!! TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS JOSH!!!!!! TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS JOSH!!!!!!! TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS JOSH!!!!!! TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS JOSH!!!!!!! TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS JOSH!!!!!! TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS JOSH!!!!!!! TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS JOSH!!!!!! TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS JOSH!!!!!!! TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS JOSH!!!!!! TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS JOSH!!!!!!! TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS JOSH!!!!!! TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS JOSH!!!!!!! TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS JOSH!!!!!! TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS JOSH!!!!!!! TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS JOSH!!!!!! TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS JOSH!!!!!!! TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS JOSH!!!!!! TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS JOSH!!!!!!! TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS JOSH!!!!!! TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS JOSH!!!!!!! TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS JOSH!!!!!! TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS JOSH!!!!!!! TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS JOSH!!!!!! TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS JOSH!!!!!!! TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS JOSH!!!!!! TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS JOSH!!!!!!!
MrKoreanGuy
Posts : 194 Join date : 2011-02-01
Subject: Re: Spam Less Than 3 (<3) Sat May 07, 2011 5:34 pm
and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust and thrust
Izzygirl867
Posts : 8 Join date : 2011-03-02
Subject: Re: Spam Less Than 3 (<3) Sat Jun 04, 2011 1:28 pm
"Less than three, you love me, Typing out my fantasy Meet me here on IRC LOLOL Less than three, OMG Love computer fantasy Meet me here on IRC LOLOL"
Calendar
Subject: Spam Less Than 3 (<3) 
